While the loss of a parent or parents is an inevitable and universal transition, making sense of the years shared with parents does not always follow a predictable path. The lucky ones are those who have something to miss. Then, grieving is a process of experiencing and accepting that loss, and understanding and acknowledging their contribution to your life, and yours to theirs. Memories are turned over and appraised from all sides, able to be bundled into to a “package” that slots neatly into that place in your psyche reserved for exactly that purpose. There they become a cherished thread in your life story, that story you tell yourself; a reservoir of comfort and enrichment you draw from as you continue on through life.
Others, whose parent’s emotional legacy is absent or flawed or damaging, mourn for what they needed but never had. Memories form a jagged shape impossible to fondly process and tuck away. It is misshapen, with sharp edges, so that the harder they try to fit it in the place reserved for it, the more it cuts and wounds.
To be able to move forward without the corrosive presence of bitterness takes work, best done with professional support. No matter the age of the mourner, it’s worth doing.
